Early morning, good nights rest, punctuated by distinct gastrointestinal happenings. No pain, only really a mild discomfort of some minor cramping and a very strange slo-mo sensation of movement. Like a baby kicking!

Time for a motion in the ocean.

And, a RESULT. Pics behind the cut.

There we go. Just like other famous online expulsions! Oddly bundled up, distinct from the limited amount of normal poop. Shiny leathery exterior. Bound together in a slippery goo. Easy to pick up with chopsticks… can’t say I’d ever imagined I’d be handling something like this with a pair though!

A forensic examination of the evidence and I was struck literally cold. Inside the plaque and bound up behind the thin rubbery skin , as bold as day.. a sweetcorn kernel. Just the fibrous husk, nothing inside it.To my certain knowledge the last sweetcorn I ate was at least 5 weeks ago. I know this as it was the last of the corn harvested from the garden, we grow our own every year and I never buy it commercially – it’s just never as sweet. Five weeks isn’t as bad as anything like the tales I’ve seen online but five weeks was enough for it to get bound onto the plaque and gain a thin membrane of ’skin’ over it. It’s just plain unsettling.

Cajoling my partner into taking some photos took a little persuasion! In the end

What else is there to say? I await developments with eager anticipation and a £100 bet won!